Gobble Gobble

Happy Thanksgiving. 

That being said.. Time to vent: 

While we spent all day cooking and enjoying the time with our families I hope we all kept those who are missing that time and are overseas. I didn't forget it. It was very obviouse and It's been years sense I had to endore a holiday without my husband. No one seemed to care. Instead of helping my autistic son, he got yelled at a lot. Told to get over it in mean ways as I told him to calm down and it's not as bad as he thinks. I too told him he was gonna get a spanking but that doesn't usually help so I tried other ways to try to get him out of anger and meltdown mode. My family made it harder for me to stay calm so I didn't help him much ether. He was extremely sensitive today. He usually isn't that bad he is very low on the spectrum. But I could tell it was hard on him and his brother not having daddy here. We brought our ghetto flat daddy ( a 8x10 photo on a peice of card board ) and I would keep catching them holding it or staring at it. Today was to much for me to. I basically shut down. Played in my cell, sat outside by the fire, watched tv. I usually help with food or clean up but I did none of it. I kept asking to help but it was unneeded. It was nice to relax and zone out but also horrible cause it was just time to miss my husband. 

My nieces that live with me got nice new jackets from my sister and her son got a bow from his papa. My kids got one jacket with a whole in the armpit. More things blatantly put in their face they don't get. All my money has gone to providing for extra children I don't get assistance for. But they all have money to buy them stuff... I had a hard time being thankful today. I felt selfish cause I wanted to buy my boys new coats, a Christmas tree, toys or gifts for the holidays.. But I can't. I have emptied my account and maxed my credit card. I feel like I'm being used cause when I asked about her getting a place or giving me money she says she can't afford it..... But she can buy all kinds of stuff and plans on going shopping tonight as well... They want to be home.. Yes they like the stuff but more then anything these girls want to be home with mom. I felt selfish for them too and upset.. 

I may come off as a mean person but sometimes you can only take so much. It was so hard not saying anything to my family today but all I could think was I couldn't wait for it to be over and my husband be home.. I can't wait to move away. Thanksgiving shouldn't feel like this.